What is modesty?
Everyone has their own definition of it and is seen in different lights across the globe. The dictionary meaning is seen as "behaviour, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency."
This meaning inclines towards what Islam defines as modesty. Modesty for me has always been an integral part of my life. Growing up, I had been brought up to bring modesty into my life, not only by the way I dress but with my character and social interactions. My journey towards niqaab was not something I had planned to happen. Although I had always admired it and had an inclination towards, it never occurred to me that it would happen at the age of 19. So this is how it all unfolded.
My father being an Islamic scholar and my mother a revert. My parents always put Islam first. Often my friends or classmates would be shocked if I told them my mother was a revert. Because of her love and passion for Islam people would always assume she was born and raised Muslim. When I reached the age of puberty, I took it upon myself to wear the hijab, I knew what it meant but I never had that depth as I was young and had not reached that level of intellect.
As years went by I started realizing that I was doing things because I knew I HAD to do them and I started noting my connection with my creator was becoming weaker and weaker. At that time the thing that I was most connected to was music and I had lost my desire and sweetness of doing acts of worship. Although I kept my hijab on, I knew something was missing. I finished highschool and that's where it all began. A few months after a series of events had started occurring one after the other and it was almost like a domino effect.
I was quiet sickly for that year and kind of lost my passion for being social. Looking back my sickness was the best thing that ever happened to me. As I was in and out of the doctors office, I started withdrawing from music and I spent a lot of time alone. In that time I rediscovered Allah. I started opening the Quran more often and praying with khushu and it was amazing. Although it was a very difficult time, I was the happiest I could ever be. So during that time, I started covering up more and started become more conscious of my purpose.
So I started thinking about wearing niqab in my second year after highschool. I was very adamant about it because I was worried about what my family would say so I kept on shrugging it off. I say wallahi every time I kept shrugging it off, the feeling would come back stronger and so I kept shrugging it off. I had a brief conversation with one of my closest friends, more like a sister really and she was also thinking about wearing it . Time went by and Alhamdullilah Allah blessed her with the opportunity and she started wearing it.
At the end of 2016 Allah blessed with the opportunity with persuading my Islamic studies so I started at the beginning of this year. I wore it part time and still I felt something was missing. Whenever I wore it, I felt tranquility. When I did not wear it, I felt uneasy and that's when I knew I had to do it. It was not easy deciding but Alhamdullilah I took the opportunity with both hands and I don't ever want to look back. Being the only one who wears it in my family is actually liberating.
Will there be challenges? Of course. I will tell you one thing for sure - it's worth it. When I put it on I think about how on the day qiyaama when the sun will be scorching hot and maybe because I strove and I worked hard , Allah will grant me jannah. That maybe just maybe a family member will admire it and look into Islam. That at the end of it all I have hope. Hope that Allah will have mercy on me and I will be in jannah narrating this very incidents to my friends as a far fetched memory. That on that day Allah will engulf me with his mercy despite me having sins, that HIS mercy will enter me into paradise through this struggle.
It is worth it my beloved sisters and don't ever give up because it always gets better. This is my journey and I pray that I continue to strive right till the end. This world is only temporary but JANNAH IS FOREVER.
Yours truly Salmaah xxx
If you're inspired by Sister Salmaah's story (and I know you are In sha Allah!), do head over to her blog Travellerofthedunya. Trust me, it's a great blog. Very honest, straightforward and more than all, inspiring.
